I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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