I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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