saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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