i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
