Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm jealous of your bromance
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Less talking, more tequila
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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