if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
