there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
