seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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