Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
