You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
