areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
