I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
