I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You smell like stripper and shame
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize