you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
