y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
