Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
