My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize