I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're a waste of cheezeits
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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