Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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