Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
