so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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