I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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