Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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