i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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