3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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