I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
where are my eyebrows?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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