And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
