he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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