I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
