don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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