The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
