I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
