so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
