I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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