I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
