I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
