Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
