Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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