im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
