HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she pinky promised me she was 18
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
