your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
