I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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