To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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