tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do herpes really smell.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize