Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
