Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
