i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
