Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
