I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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