he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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