she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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