I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
