I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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