Nicole vs. Life
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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