come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
zippers are such a cool invention
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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