Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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