i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize