i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
