I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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