It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
