Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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