what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
