well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
