is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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