She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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