he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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