I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
