My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
