It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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