Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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