So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
