our cab driver is having phone sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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