He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
