Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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