Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
