Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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