you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
