How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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