my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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