True but thats because hes a fetus.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
