i was born a porn star she said
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
