I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
