Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
