They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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