she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
