and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
soo... how was my night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
