I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
