You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
