Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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