We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
