All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
is that a dick in a sweater?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I want is dick and wine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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