even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
