I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
