Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
