How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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