there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
