I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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