so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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