hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize