Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
