Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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