She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
