i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
