Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
