it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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