1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
