Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
