I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
