He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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